Blogging With A Short Temper And Lingerie
This is my second post today which, Contratimes readers will know, is an anomaly. Is there something wrong?
Perhaps, but I will permit my therapist to issue what is sure to be a singular diagnosis.
Last night I found this site detailing the five requisite tools for successful blogging. The five tools are pithiness, persistence, anger, snark, and sexiness. My reaction to learning these Five Blogging Precepts? I am damned! There is nothing pithy or terse; there is no brevity here, no matter how much brevity is the soul of wit! As a Seinfeld character might say, "Pith? There's no pith! I'm pithless! I am without pith! I have no pith!" And regarding anger, all I can say is that anger has no place at Contratimes. To suggest that it is required of me to be angry, or to a more civil degree, "snarky", is just so much stinkin' crap! I'd rather floss with flypaper than express anger! Egads, the guy who suggested the Five Blogging Precepts has got to be some sort of verb-challenged jerk.
As for sexiness, well, what is more sexy than heavily-embellished prose replete with explicit images of gratuitous semi-colons; with an occasional albeit prurient shot of a colon or two (::) thrown in? Sexiness? I'll show you some stinkin' sexiness: ;;;;;;;::::::///// Heck, I'll even throw in a few four-letter words, like "heck" and "four." Take that!
And can you imagine that persistence is to be measured in posting on one's blog not once, not twice, but at least three times a day? I am telling you the truth: it is not possible for me to be pithily and persistently pissed off (or snippily snarky) three times a day while tarting up my website in a garter belt and stockings. I'd rather read boxer Mike Tyson's doctoral thesis than get myself all crabby just to prostitute this staid and neo-Victorian blog for the fleeting and empty pleasure of enlarging my stat counter.
Some may call my prose the work of a man clearly cuckoo, but I shout back that it is the work of a man clearly rococo!
Truly I say to you with unrestrained rage: Brevity is the soul of twits.
Contratimes
©Bill Gnade 2005/Contratimes - All Rights Reserved.
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4 comments:
Those tips do seem a bit cynical don't they?
I think pith and persistence should be enough. That's what I try for, though Fishkite is the pithiest blog I read. And, I am clearly on the record (re: the Ann Coulter/Harding University flap) defending skarkiness. A bit of it is just fun, but constant snark is not ideal.
LOL. What a hoot.
I have to admit, however, that I believe the purpose of many blogs is to express one's dissatisfaction with some aspect of society --which usually includes, at least, some small measure of anger!
But, you're quite right, typically (for me) posts are well considered (at least somewhat) thoughts expressed for the world to see and not laced with anger, pithiness or sexiness! :crazy:
Thanks extremist and jonah. I appreciate your visit and comments.
Peace to you both,
BG
Bill, Bill, Bill - what a perfectly angry and snark-filled denial that you are angry and snarky. Brilliant. But - why do you deny your anger? Why do you deny your inner snark? Hmmmmm.
"And regarding anger, all I can say is that anger has no place at Contratimes. To suggest that it is required of me to be angry, or to a more civil degree, "snarky", is just so much stinkin' crap! I'd rather floss with flypaper than express anger! Egads, the guy who suggested the Five Blogging Precepts has got to be some sort of verb-challenged jerk."
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