That Droll Man

This is not about Andy Rooney. It is about talent, or the lack thereof. It is about mediocrity. It is about rewarding poor performance with fame, fortune, and power.

Let me correct myself: this is about Andy Rooney.

On Sunday night Mr. Rooney, the omni-incompetent commenter, brought his game to 60 Minutes and embarrassed himself, which is, perhaps, his wont. You see, Mr. Rooney does not get baseball. Here's a screwball comment pitched by Mr. Rooney:

'And, by the way, isn't it sort of silly that they call it "The World Series" when most of the world doesn’t know baseball from ping pong?'

Odd that Mr. Rooney should presume here that knowledge is important. Apparently Mr. Rooney thinks "The World Championships" in any sport can only be properly played when most of the world's inhabitants "know" that sport from an other. I am sure the World Championships in luge or badminton or curling equally irk Mr. Rooney; I am sure he has opined at length about how few countries are represented in the glorious list of winners of the International Tennis Federation's Grand Slam.

And I am sure Mr. Rooney has duly noted how 'silly' it is to call his program 60 Minutes when it is not really 60 minutes long. But let us forget our ironies for a minute, our petty iRooneys. Instead, let us note this irrelevancy from a Major League Baseball press release:

'Broadcast in 229 countries and territories, Major League Baseball game telecasts are re-transmitted in 13 different languages.'

That only 229 countries and territories receive baseball broadcasts -- with one of them being the sparsely-populated China -- can't mean all that much to Mr. Rooney, nor can the racially and ethnically diverse rosters of major league teams.

But if this essay is not really about Andy Rooney, it is also not about baseball. Instead, it is about people who are wrong who are praised as if they are right. It is about those who are rewarded for doing something well when they actually do something poorly. In short, it is about the death of excellence.

Mr. Rooney may have achieved great success in playing the misfit -- that tweedy, klutzy thinker who neither 'does' nor comprehends pop culture; he may have gained fame playfully denigrating himself or twisting ironic phrases to the delight of those viewers who perceive the hidden self-aggrandizement of it all, but it is all rather simplistic and tired.

But if Mr. Rooney's comments serve as a veil, one must note that the veil conceals his contempt for dull, doltish and conceited America: America's pastime is not one whit interesting to the world. Truly worldly people, like Mr. Rooney, are not given to such mindless excess; only the provincially-minded would dare call their game's zenith, "The World Series." Baseball's premiere event is, if anything, another example of American over-reaching and arrogance: We are the best; we have the best game. Mr. Rooney knows better, hinting that his ignorance is really deliberate: he's too smart for such small ball. That is why he thinks we all should know the IQ scores of baseball players, posted along with their stats; he wonders if we would better appreciate the game if we knew whether players scored well on their SATs. And despite Mr. Rooney's oafish self-deprecation in his droll conclusion Sunday night, viewers could not be fooled: this was a dig aimed at America, the America Mr. Rooney can't understand because he is really just too smart to understand it.

It's all part of a game.

No doubt Andy Rooney's few seconds of 60 Minutes is a pretty good game, too. To enjoy it even more, I would love to see his salary and IQ stats scrolling along beneath his mug, along with his dollars per word count. And I am sure many folks enjoyed his comments about America's pastime. But I for one cannot fathom how America does not see that Mr. Rooney has past his time.

It's time to call the bullpen -- or still that bullish pen -- and bring in some relief.

Sorry, Mr. Rooney. That's just how I see it.

Peace.

©Bill Gnade 2007/Contratimes. All Rights Reserved.

[PS. For a follow to this post, go to my "Confessions of a Plain Man."]