The World's Greatest Golfer Seeks Relief From A Really Bad Lie

As Contratimes readers know, when the unfortunate story broke about the World's Greatest Golfer, I chose to criticize the media gluttons who would prey on that story. I feel, largely, that I was right to take that tack, as the indiscretions of the World's Greatest Golfer have pushed from the spotlight news about troop increases in Afghanistan, the Great Climate Clash, the racially-motivated assassination of 4 police officers in Washington state, and the religiously-motivated Fort Hood massacre. Instead of these important stories, the prurient media give us, apparently, what we "want."

A few minutes ago, for the umpteenth time, I listened to professionals explore the psyche of a man, a man known as the World's Greatest Golfer (WGG), who "has it all." The WGG is the "very embodiment of the American Dream," or so it goes -- a handsome and athletic man possessing fame and fabulous fortune; owner of mansions and yachts; husband to a beautiful wife, father to two lovely children -- and yet, somehow, none of this was enough to make the WGG happy. Why?

Here are just a few of the "answers" to that apparently very perplexing question:

• The WGG is under too much pressure as an athlete
• The WGG is under too much pressure as a competitor
• The WGG is under too much pressure as an archetype to the African-American community
• The WGG is under too much pressure as a business commodity
• The WGG is under too much pressure as a philanthropist
• The WGG is under too much pressure as a role model
• The WGG is bored with life; everything is too easy, and hence he seeks drama, danger, adventure
• The WGG is unmoored as a result of the death of his father, who probably served as an anchor to his son
• The WGG is in rebellion now that his overbearing father is dead. Finally, he's doing things "his way." Finally, the little boy who was so sorely repressed is now acting out
• The WGG is suffering an identity crisis: he is not sure of his race, or what his own heart is telling him about who he really is and what he truly wants
• The WGG is a victim of perfectionism, with its attendant expectations, all of which are absurdly unfair and unattainable
• The WGG is a victim of social stereotypes, among which is the stereotype that black men MUST philander, and MUST do so with leggy, buxom, and blonde white women

Enough. You get the picture.

But what is really at the heart of these bits of "analysis"? What are the underlying premises that go unspoken when we hear such things?

My sense is that a good chunk of the media are doing their very best to avoid denigrating the myth that "having it all" makes a person happier, better, and nobler than his or her less fortunate peers. In a sense what they're saying is that the WGG does not have it all: if he did, he would be happy "having it all." In the minds of the media, there is no defect in the myth, but in the possessing: The WGG is missing something. He does not quite have it all. And once he finds that missing something, he can be happy, whole, and the perfect incarnation of the American Dream.

And I am also under the impression that a very different chunk of the media are doing their level best to sabotage the idea that the American Dream is a good dream: it is, in fact, an unattainable, nightmarish fantasy. The WGG proves this.

Of course, I realize I am in a sense trying to have it both ways, i.e., some in the media seem to be suggesting that the WGG does not perfectly possess all the American Dream has to offer; if he did, he'd be deliriously happy; and some in the media want us to believe that the American Dream is a corrupting influence, victimizing the WGG, turning him into something unhealthy, even reprehensible.

But what if it is a lot more simple than all that? What if the WGG is just a lecherous pig? What if this is just about pure lust? What if it is just about narcissism in the basest sense? What if this is, in a very real way, best understood in religious terms; that this story is about sin, and not psychology or sociology or both? That this is more satanic than Freudian; that this is best fixed not by therapy but confession, repentance, absolution, baptism? Conversion?

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Perhaps in reports that the WGG's wife had issued him an ultimatum -- "It's either me or golf!" -- we can find some sense of a "true story." No doubt the WGG, when caught by his wife, admitted his indiscretions (that's too mild a word) with these sorts of qualifications:

"There's so much pressure on the Tour! The competition, the press, the sponsors!"

"Even when I win on the Tour I need relief from the pressure. Sometimes I can't bear to win -- or lose -- alone. I just have to release all that built up tension! You've no idea."

"All the women look like you because I wish you could be with me. I can't stand to be away so long on the Tour."

"There are just so many women hanging around the guys on Tour. They're everywhere. You've no idea the pressure."

In other words, perhaps the WGG would want his wife to believe that the problem is extrinsic to the WGG, and not intrinsic. Or so it seems he might have led her to believe. Why else her ultimatum if he did not paint a horrid picture of the pressures and temptations associated with professional golf?

But let's pull Occam's Razor out of the bag. The best explanation is the simplest: The WGG is a sinner. Let's not give him excuses, especially the lamest one of all, given, no doubt, by countless husbands countless times: "There is just so much pressure. I need relief."

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