My Name is ?

It is a simple judgment: I had enough of their not worshiping me. I could not take their idolatry; I abhorred their indifference to my glory. I stood in silence, I stood in scoffing silence scoffing, and they did not see me; they did not obey my laws. I said, "How long will you not notice me? How long will I not be the center of your attention, the life of your dead parties, the talk of the dining commons?" My patience has been tried, and your hearts have been hardened by youthful lusts, and licentious distractions, and jammed with gods and goddesses primped in all forms of promiscuity. How long shall I wait for you to humble yourselves; when shall you turn from your sinful days and trust funds and your Christian vacuity? What do I have to do with your perversions, your petty conversions, your pet conversations iced with gossip poured over lazy lips?

I wrote poetry. I wrote plays. I was an English major. I never said a word. And yet I was writing a story you could not read. My poems and plays made you uncomfortable; mere words made you fear. How much fear now? I send mail express -- Ismail Ax to NBC -- and yet I leave you with question marks. ? is my name and ? is my legacy. Today, in the grave you will desecrate, I laugh last, and my laugh lasts in your questions asked too late.

This is my grade, my passing grave. I have written something none of you could ever dare to write. Now you all have read it.

Note what I say as I enter your room, Professor: "Good morning! How are you?" It's the first time you heard that, no? I'll show you some irony. Hot irony. And now listen to this, and this, and that, and that, and that. And that!

You have emptied my heart's chambers. I empty them into yours, and yours empty in liquid-who-cares on the forensic details of your bookbag. I will be your god this hour, if it be the last thing I do. I know when the term ends. And so does this gun. You will worship in this moment, pronouncing my name in perfect punctuation.

©Bill Gnade 2007/Contratimes. All Rights Reserved.