Zebras have stripes and leopards have spots. I, on the other hand, have no obvious marks, save two: this is the first time I've begun a post with the letter Z, and this is the 400th time I've had such a chance. It is not much of a milestone, I know, but I am anagramatically a bit like a leopard: that fast feline might have 400 spots, but I have 400 posts.Curiously, all my posts are so many spots, rendering me nearly invisible in the big world-wide web of cyberlife.
When I began this site in April 2005, I had no idea where I was heading. 400 posts later, I still have no idea; I just keep stroking keys like a crazy chimp hoping that something makes sense. It all reminds me of the little drawings I'd do before I could read or write: I'd crayon little curly wisps suggestive of clouds over a horizon, or smoke billowing from a chimney, and then rush into the kitchen, asking my mother, "Are these words? Am I writing?" I have come a long way since then, no doubt, but I still find myself doodling vapors on paper.
In July of 2005, I believe, I added a stat counter to chart my failures and successes as a blogger. I can think of a handful of critical times in my life when humility was handed to me on a platter; I can think of a few times such lessons left me thinking my head was on that salver. Seeing how few people read one's blog is truly a humbling revelation, and it is utterly life-saving: there is nothing like knowing one's place. But I can at least feel a little pride knowing that without marketing myself at all (I VERY rarely tell people I blog), I have been blessed to have had nearly 20,000 unique visitors come here. Many of them, I am glad to report, return. And a few even become my friends.
I can't remember off-hand when I signed up with Technorati, a blog listing service (among other things) available for free. I do recall that when I first found my Technorati blog-ranking -- somewhere around 335,000 -- I was mildly down-hearted until a Contratimes reader informed me that my station was set against some 55 million listed blogs. Since then this blog has reached its best rating around 37, 5oo; but in recent months I've slipped dramatically. Today, Contratimes is ranked 103,734. I am nose-diving without the slightest understanding how it is I've come to hurl myself headlong into a bay of noses. But I hold onto some small hope that all this will make sense in the end, and that I will find my own nose somewhere in the process.
Many thanks to all of you who have visited. I am especially grateful to all of you who have left a comment, or two, or ten. Thanks. And this goes to those of you who have felt it necessary to set me straight with language that was anything but gentle. Though only a few of you fall into this category, I am grateful nonetheless that you felt comfortable enough to give me a piece of your mind (especially when it was the very last piece I wanted). The most insulting and assaulting personalities, I am glad to report, are not making rounds here, but elsewhere: I am much more likely to get scalded in some other cyber-territory. But perhaps that is why I need the stripes of the zebra and the speedy spots of the leopard. One needs to survive, after all.
Thanks for the kindness.
Peace.
BG
PS. I believe this is not the first time I've posted here at Contratimes the photograph above, but I can't recall where or when. Sorry if you find it at all redundant. But I like it for its sense of transcience, its sense of fragility and time, and for its varied stripes. (In case you're wondering, the photograph was taken in North Eastham, on the glorious Cape Cod, along the bay, just north of Campground Beach.)
©Bill Gnade 2007/Contratimes. All Rights Reserved.
