No Surprises At All: Bush and Co. Don't Deliver

Alas, alack, let us all rend our garments! George W. Bush, that evil-doer, has not suddenly found Osama bin Laden; he has not been holding that infamous terrorist hostage just so he could be "captured" at the perfect moment. Oil prices have not plunged to levels Americans once knew in the blissful 1960s; oil is not flowing like rivers down our streets. No crazy videotape from some rocky redoubt has been secreted away and aired on Fox News, sending tremors of fear down the American spine. No terrorist plot has been foiled in Detroit, no bombs detonated in Syracuse or Flagstaff. The terrorist threat level has not been raised.

The alleged fear-mongers and manipulators have abandoned us. They have let us down. They have proven their great incompetence, unable to bring forward the very evidence of their own great conspiracies. John McCain will not be saved by the immediate extradition of Osama bin Laden from his vacation home in Buenos Aires; Bush and Co. have nothing to present to surprise either October or November. They have no tricks up their sleeves, because they have no sleeves. They have no clothes.

(Rumor has it that Wesley Clark has been holding Osama bin Laden so he can present him as Barack Obama's trophy two days after the inauguration.)

On the eve of the "most important election in our lifetime," one message is clear: Bush can't get nothin' right.

©2008. All Rights Reserved.

The 2008 Democratic Ticket: A New Word Game?

[Addendum: Alas, the ever-savvy, tech-omniscient n[ate]vw, has pointed out that I am about 12 hours late in making the observation I've made below. Oiks! But that's OK. At least I try.]

Let me be the first among fools, word fools, to note the following: If many pundits and pols have had a difficult time pronouncing Barack Obama's name, often confusing it with that other name, Osama (bin Laden), how long before someone starts mispronouncing the Democratic ticket, Obama and Biden? Lovers of anagrams will have a field day now. Obama 'n' Biden.

And that rhymes with?

Of course, I note that had Mr. Obama chosen Tim Kaine of Virginia, the ticket would be Obama-Kaine, which sounds like ObaMcCain (or Oh, Bomb McCain). I can see why that might have been considered both advantageous and not so advantageous (as would have been Obamacaine, the painkiller). What if Evan Bayh had been chosen as Mr. Obama's running-mate? Would Obama-Bayh -- Obama Bye -- have worked? Perhaps subliminally, and not at all advantageously.

Just a fool's curiosity; just a fool having fun.

Peace and mirth.

©Bill Gnade 2008/Contratimes. All Rights Reserved.