Geography Lessons, And More On "Foreign Policies"

I can't resist.

What I am about to tell you is absolutely true.

On the afternoon of the Oklahoma City bombing, April 19, 1995, I was taking a much needed break from my newspaper job. The break was much needed, I can assure you, because the news of the day was really quite stressful.

While I was standing around the counter of the local market gabbing with a knot of men about the horrific tragedy, a customer came in who had not yet heard the news. Once he understood that we were not joking, he became irate, shouting, "What the hell do they think is? This ain't no f***ing foreign country!" With that, he stormed off.

If you have not yet watched the Sean Coombs video about "foreign policies," then you won't completely understand why I have recalled here the man and his exclamation that America is "no f***ing foreign country."

The broader context into which I want to fit my remarks is the one in which it is asserted Gov. Sarah Palin is not fit for office because she has not traveled enough outside the United States. No one knows exactly how much travel time or mileage are a prerequisite for the vice presidency, but it should probably be as much as Abraham Lincoln's many international adventures.

But let's talk, really talk, about Alaska. Did you know that Alaska is the northernmost and westernmost and easternmost point in the United States? Wait. Did you even know that Alaska is part of the United States? Of course you did. But if 70% of America's 18-24 year-olds can't find New Jersey on a map, then I think it safe to say that a number of Democrats who oppose Gov. Palin's nomination only recently learned that Alaska is actually a place, and not a pun with Delaware and Idaho. I mean, if Alaska isn't at the eastern end of the nearest mall, what good is it?

I wonder how many Americans know that Hawaii, Barack Obama's birthplace, is the southernmost state in the US. Perhaps it doesn't matter. But it does mean that Barack Obama is the truest southerner to be on a presidential ticket in a long, long time; he makes Bill Clinton seem like a Laplander (perhaps Laplander borders on the obscene in this particular application, or Lapplication; but at least Clinton was known to have traveled abroad ... or two. Vicious, scurrilous pun, I know.)

So, I think we can conclude several things. Observing that Sean Coombs' pro-Obama, anti-McCain rant comes across a tad provincial and that New Jersey appears to be something some Americans might purchase at the nearest Sports Authority, we can conclude that America is indeed one big, stinkin' foreign country. When you add to the discussion the fact that Gov. Palin's enticing coordinates of easternmost, westernmost and northernmost make her unbelievably foreign (and therefore wildly exotic and desirable), we have proven that she is eminently qualified to co-lead the two -- heck, the many! -- Americas and the many foreign countries of which this particular melting pot is composed. She abounds in foreign policies. Just ask the cosmopolitan Democrats.

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